In our community/neighborhood there is an extremely verbally aggressive and confrontational member. He can be very intimidating to some of the members who have begun to avoid community meetings, community gatherings and public/shared spaces as a result of his behavior.

Law enforcement involvement is a null as he does not break laws. In addition, if he were, it would be very difficult to push through any type of charge which ultimately would only exacerbate the issue.

It is my opinion that even though he is a large fit male that he exhibits behavior that is founded in insecurity and fear. This is merely an assumption on my part of course. Are there any suggested strategies to bring this individual around to a place where he might have a change of heart regarding his tactics towards others? Any thoughts/ideas/comments are appreciated.

1 Answer 1


Talk to him separately and tell him people perceive him as such. Back it up with facts. Do a specific request like "Do you think you can change X so that other people can do/feel Y?" that he can answer to. Try to keep it light as "OK, this is just the way you behave, nothing wrong, but some people have difficulty with that, and it would/could help if you...".

Do not phrase it as you are this or that, and do not bring in those semi-psychological assumptions of yours (behavior that is founded in insecurity and fear). You are not his coach or shrink, and you should avoid bringing opinions into the conversation.
You only have a request to make the community work for all.

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