In Germany we have a system where students who are especially interested and execeeding in a subject can be employed at a institute and do research work themselves. Last year I had a very similar situation with a very bright girl, who also wanted always to be perfect and wright, and having a very rough time accepting critics.

all the comments above wrap up very beautifully what it feels for a young person (ecpesially a girl at a technical university and at an institute, famous for being the playground of all the nerdy students) to be in a situation like this. Of course, when those young people are so stuck under their own pressure on themselves not to fail, it is part of my job to help them trough but also not to let the work progress suffer because of that.

We had this conversation where she insisted that something is technically imposible in a software system I spent my last 5 years developing. And a long, argumented discussion could not convince her to let go and understand so I had to show it to her (after having spent some 25 min in disucssion). It was a rough day for me an my colleagues, what she was aware of. So after I showed her how things work, I just aksed her to consider how many chances to learn she is eliminating for herself, whe she is not ready to have a more relaxed "what if..." and not "my one truth" perspective on things. This would have been completelly enough, she got it. But then I also explained her, what an impact the blocked, non-accepting attitude has or could have on the work progress and the schedule in generall and on the work of the entire team if we can not open ourselves and trust the knowledge of others and everyone of us had to take 30 min every time when someone has doubts ins something. I dind't expect it to happen immidiatelly, so I was surprised that she embraced it on this very spot. But if it hadn't happened it would be clear for me that I will have to try one more time because change does not happen over night normally.

We don't preach an attitude to our students, we ask them the questions to make them think themselves and find their own best solution. And a different attitude is a different perspective: in research often it is all you need to solve a serious problem after a long "battle" against. Her trying to be "perfect" is a kind of compliment to you and the work you all are doing together. I would have lost it completelly if I tried to make her adapt to my approach and attitude.

In Germany we have a system where students who are especially interested and exceeding in a subject can be employed at a institute and do research work themselves. Last year I had a very similar situation with a very bright girl, who also wanted always to be perfect and right, having a very rough time accepting criticism.

All the comments above wrap up very beautifully what it feels like for a young person (especially a girl at a technical university and at an institute famous for being the playground of all the nerdy students) to be in a situation like this. Of course, when those young people are so stuck under their own pressure on themselves not to fail, it is part of my job to help them trough but also not to let the work progress suffer because of that.

We had this conversation where she insisted that something is technically impossible in a software system I spent my last 5 years developing. And a long, argumentative discussion could not convince her to let go and understand so I had to show it to her (after having spent some 25 min in discussion). It was a rough day for me an my colleagues, which she was aware of. So after I showed her how things work, I just asked her to consider how many chances to learn she is eliminating for herself when she is not ready to have a more relaxed "what if..." and not "my one truth" perspective on things. This would have been completely enough, she got it. But then I also explained her, what an impact the blocked, non-accepting attitude has or could have on the work progress and the schedule in general and on the work of the entire team if we can not open ourselves and trust the knowledge of others and everyone of us had to take 30 min every time when someone has doubts ins something. I didn't expect it to happen immediately, so I was surprised that she embraced it on this very spot. But if it hadn't happened it would be clear for me that I will have to try one more time because change does not happen overnight normally.

We don't preach an attitude to our students, we ask them the questions to make them think themselves and find their own best solution. And a different attitude is a different perspective: in research often it is all you need to solve a serious problem after a long "battle" against. Her trying to be "perfect" is a kind of compliment to you and the work you all are doing together. I would have lost it completely if I tried to make her adapt to my approach and attitude.